Mochila y Mas

I have my first Austin-related interview. At least I think I do. I was emailed about an "opportunity" thanks to my resume on Monster. Hopefully this job is based out of Austin (even though the interview is being held in the Dallas area). And hopefully this job does not involve selling knives, though I'm getting the strange feeling that it does based on its unlimited earning potential and shady interview locale. Though, if it does, I'm sure I'll be hired since I was already chosen for a job based on my excellent knife-selling skills a few years back.

This year, the last day of school didn't have quite the same feel as the last day of school of years past. Maybe it's because it may be the last last day of school. You'd think I'd feel sadder this year, especially as I packed up my classroom. But I don't. The weird thing, though, is that I don't feel the opposite (aka happy) either. What I do feel is stressed. Stressed about all of the things I have to do now that I don't have the excuse of school.

Since everybody loves a list because it's so damn fun to cross things off, here's my summer to-do list:

1. Find a job in Austin.
2. Find a place to live in Austin.
3. Sell current house.
4. Pull weeds from the yard of current house, thereby making it more attractive to the potential buyer.
5. Go to the dentist.
6. Finish loading CD library onto iTunes.
7. Buy new glasses (seeing, not drinking).
8. Take cats to the vet.
9. Start a workout routine that involves working out at least 3 times a week.
10. Make a summer to-do list (sorry, but I really needed something to go ahead and cross off, just to get the ball rolling).

I had an epiphany while driving home from work today. The Mavericks are going to win the Western Conferenece Finals. You may wonder how I know this. It's really quite simple. If you say "Go Mavs" in your head (or aloud, I suppose) over and over (as apparently I was doing during the course of my drive) it starts to sound like gonads. Gonads are balls. The Mavs have the balls to win this series.

It's practically a geometric proof.


While Dirk is pleased with my theory, Nash is a bit taken aback.

Next time you're hanging out with your (preferably male) British friend, try this.

Ask your mate what he would say if he wanted someone to watch his jacket.

Let the good times roll.

The Dallas Observer has posted the unofficial, official 2006 Austin City Limits lineup (or is it the official, unofficial?). Mr. Mochila and I took our chances and bought our tickets last month, hoping the lineup would be as good as it was back in '03 (R.E.M., Yo La Tengo, Bright Eyes, Polyphonic Spree, just to name a few). Plus, we figured it was a good way to affirm our soon-to-be status of Austinites.

Here we have my Necessary Nine:

1. Van Morrison - I saw him for the first time back in March at Nokia, and he was greatness. I can't wait to see him in a more laid-back, hippified environment (care to take bets on how many shout-outs for "And It Stoned Me"?)

2. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - It's Tom Petty! It's a Traveling Wilbury! It's an opportunity to hear "Don't Do Me Like That"!

3. The Raconteurs - Not only do I want to see Jack White, but I want to learn how to pronounce his new band's name (just so you know, in my head, it's "The Rock-On-Tours" - here's hoping that they do).

4. The Flaming Lips - There was a time, not too long ago, when it felt like The Flaming Lips played in Dallas once a month. I had that headphone tour memorized - "Oh, this is the part where he pulls out the boxing nun. Keep watching for the fake blood. Just wait, they're gonna start the video of Steven Drozd playing drums in a second." But now it's been since that show with Beck out in Fort Worth, and I miss those guys.

5. Cat Power - Chan Marshall stresses me out like no other performer. It was painful to watch her struggle to complete a song during her set at All Tomorrow's Parties in 2002. But I'll gladly suffer through it all over again just to hear her voice. I hope V For Vendetta is out on DVD by then; I need her to sign it for me.

6. The Shins - Who doesn't love The Shins? I bought my first Shins 7" in Austin, so their set will be a very full-circle, returning-to-the-womb moment for me. Who doesn't love returning to the womb?

7. Gnarls Barkley - Things I like: DJ Dangermouse, Cee-Lo, Charles Barkley. It's a match made in heaven.

8. The New Pornographers - I blame Best Buy for my love of The New Pornographers. The CD was so cheap, I just had to buy it. Next thing I know, I'm in love. Then they opened for Belle & Sebastian, and my love just grew (partially because of the cute little pixie-girl playing keyboard, but still).

9. John Mayer - I think I'm finally ready to admit it. Somewhere in my heart, there is love for John Mayer. Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with his music. But if he happens to bring Kanye West along, and instead of playing music, they just exchange witty banter on stage, I just may have to buy a shirt. Preferably one with tour dates.

I'm not sure if I'm cursed or talented. Either way I've discovered a new skill that I'm not sure I want.

First, a little history. This is the first year that I have used the teachers' bathroom at my school. The first few years, I never knew the code to get in the bathroom. Last year, I got in but was immediately frightened away when I discovered there were also urinals in the bathroom. Because of the urinals, I was always afraid that it wasn't actually the women's bathroom, and if you knew the men at my school, you'd be afraid to run into one of them in the bathroom, too. This year the bathroom is clearly labeled WOMEN, so, urinals be damned, the teachers' bathroom is where I do my peeing.

The teachers' bathroom is great for so many reasons: the stalls have locking doors and it's always fully-stocked with toilet paper, soap, and paper towels. Fancy, I know. But the teachers' bathroom also has a downside: because it's slightly small (only 3 stalls) and poorly ventilated, it oftentimes smells like, well, shit.

This is where the skill comes in (or perhaps it is the total lack of skill). Whenever I enter the bathroom and my nose is accosted by a foul odor, I quickly attempt to guess the stall that recently held the source of said odor (kind of like an odoriferous version of the shell game on The Price Is Right). Once I have determined the source, I choose the stall furthest from it. The problem is, no matter how hard I try, I always end up selecting the stink-bomb stall for my own. Just when I think I'm walking away from the stench, I find myself wallowing in it. It's like I'm a stink magnet.

As if that weren't problem enough, today I noticed urine in one of the urinals.

I think it may be over for me and the teachers' bathroom.

Problem: Every time I ride a school bus, the driver takes the craziest, most out-of-the-way route possible.

Hypothesis: School bus drivers are hired based on their lack of directional sense.

Experiment
Materials:
(1) School bus
(1) Driver
Procedure:
Tell bus driver to drive to 6 Flags.
Do not tell bus driver how to get to 6 Flags.
Assume that someone who drives a bus for a living and knows the desired destination prior to arriving at the pick-up location will be able to locate said location.

Data:





Results: Bus Driver took 635 West, but passed the opportunity to get on 35E South. Bus Driver then took the ramp to the airport but made a U-turn upon the realization that she would be entering the airport. Bus Driver drove very slowly in the left lane and then immediately crossed several lanes of traffic to exit 121 South. Bus Driver then took 121 South to 360 South and finally arrived at the park. Returning to the park to pick us up proved to be difficult as well since she was 45 minutes late and had to call us several times for directions.

Conclusion: Even though they drive for a living, bus drivers should be the last people you ask for directions, unless you're one of those Sunday-driving, lolly-gagging types.

I'm pretty sure I'm dying. Not in the way that everyone is dying, but in a new way of dying. A way I've never been dying before. And the strange thing is, I've never been more excited.

You see, I think I may need a tonsillectomy. I'm not sure if they even do tonsillectomys (tonsillectomies?) anymore or what really warrants a tonsillectomy. My mom had one when I was 5-ish. All I remember is that the healing process required lots of ice cream and Jell-O and that a symptom of tonsillitis may have been white spots on the throat. If a symptom of tonsillitis is indeed white spots on the throat, or in my case, white spot on the throat, I may have to start packing for my hospital stay. Instead of consulting a doctor, which is always way more expensive than that $10 co-pay leads you to believe, I thought I would defer to you, dear Blog. You know what's best for me; so tell me, is this tonsillitis?



It's like Where's Waldo combined with Grey's Anatomy