Friday, June 23, 2006
Theory #3
I'll just come right out and say it. Switching deodorants has got to be the most distracting thing in life. More so than say, naked people parading around your front lawn. Naked people would get old (not literally - I mean, yes, I know they would age, but not in front of your very eyes); they would become old hat. Not deodorant. A change in the scent of deodorant is very much new hat. I can't stop smelling it. Every time I catch a whiff, I wonder, "From where is this fruity, fresh flavor coming?" It follows me around. I expect others to stop in their tracks and proclaim, "Now that is the sure scent of cucumber and green tea extracts!" Strangely, though, no one has.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
What the American Media Doesn't Want You to Know
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Why I Hate America
When's the last time you looked at a map of the United States? Have you been avoiding maps of the United States because of the extreme emotion that comes over you everytime one catches your eye? Maybe you refer to your reaction as Map-Rage. Feel free to take another look at a map. Did it come over you? The Map-Rage? Try this map. How 'bout now?
Now I should preface my beef by saying that I have no attachment whatsoever to the great state of Wisconsin. I have never lived in Wisconsin, and I have only visited Wisconsin twice (once on a fun-filled vacation to the Wisconsin Dells when I was seven and once to attend a non-existent wedding). In short, I am not on Wisconsin's side.
By the same token, I am not anti-Michigan. But I do hate Michigan. I'll give you another opportunity to figure out why. Have you figured it out, the reason for my rage? If you guessed MICHIGAN IS A BIG, FAT HOG, you win!
It is not fair that Michigan gets that extra part! That part so obviously belongs to Wisconsin. Is it touching Michigan? No. Is it touching Wisconsin? Yes. It just doesn't make sense. Wisconsin needs to stop being such a baby and stand up for itself. Claim the Upper Peninsula and kick those hillbillies out!
Now I should preface my beef by saying that I have no attachment whatsoever to the great state of Wisconsin. I have never lived in Wisconsin, and I have only visited Wisconsin twice (once on a fun-filled vacation to the Wisconsin Dells when I was seven and once to attend a non-existent wedding). In short, I am not on Wisconsin's side.
By the same token, I am not anti-Michigan. But I do hate Michigan. I'll give you another opportunity to figure out why. Have you figured it out, the reason for my rage? If you guessed MICHIGAN IS A BIG, FAT HOG, you win!
It is not fair that Michigan gets that extra part! That part so obviously belongs to Wisconsin. Is it touching Michigan? No. Is it touching Wisconsin? Yes. It just doesn't make sense. Wisconsin needs to stop being such a baby and stand up for itself. Claim the Upper Peninsula and kick those hillbillies out!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
When the Cat's Away...
As I wait for Mr. Mochila's delayed flight to arrive, I thought I would give a run-down of how I spent my few days of single life.
1. Enjoyed a heaping bowl of Cocoa Pebbles for breakfast each morning.
2. Missed the first half of Game 5 between the Mavs and the Suns because I was too busy watching the National Spelling Bee.
3. "Accidentally" ate a whole roll of Thin Mints that I found hidden in the back of the freezer while watching Ellen.
4. Lost track of time after reading blog after blog on Long Division's link list.
5. Watched back-to-back episodes of Rachael Ray related television.
6. Turned the radio to an un-godly volume when "Sultans of Swing" came on and then again when "My Best Friend's Girl" played a few minutes later.
1. Enjoyed a heaping bowl of Cocoa Pebbles for breakfast each morning.2. Missed the first half of Game 5 between the Mavs and the Suns because I was too busy watching the National Spelling Bee.
3. "Accidentally" ate a whole roll of Thin Mints that I found hidden in the back of the freezer while watching Ellen.
4. Lost track of time after reading blog after blog on Long Division's link list.
5. Watched back-to-back episodes of Rachael Ray related television.
6. Turned the radio to an un-godly volume when "Sultans of Swing" came on and then again when "My Best Friend's Girl" played a few minutes later.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Something to Fill the American Idol Void
While you're waiting for the next season of American Idol or I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here or Dancing With the Stars or So You Think You Can Dial a Rotary Phone or whatever reality show it is that gets you through your day, I have something to keep you going. I should rephrase. I will have something to keep you going. I should rephrase. The Meow Mix House will have something to keep you going.
Yes, The Meow Mix House. Some (brilliant) people over at Meow Mix decided what America, nay, the world needed was a reality show involving cats, shelter cats, I might add, getting booted out of a New York City apartment based on vote totals. Booted kitties get placed with adoptive families and take home a year's supply of Meow Mix. The winner will be named the company's feline vice president for research and development (wasn't that the same title Trump gave Bill after season one of The Apprentice?). According to the website, "Thanks to webcams equipped in every room in the house, peeping tomcats with internet access will be able to view all the action in real time—and find out just what cats do all day when their owners aren’t around." Viewers will then vote for their favorite cat; the cat with the fewest votes will go home, American-Idol-style.
The thing is supposed to start in June, and last I checked, it's June. But, alas, no 24/7 meowcam just yet. If you're like me, you can wait un-patiently and check the website on an hourly basis.
Yes, The Meow Mix House. Some (brilliant) people over at Meow Mix decided what America, nay, the world needed was a reality show involving cats, shelter cats, I might add, getting booted out of a New York City apartment based on vote totals. Booted kitties get placed with adoptive families and take home a year's supply of Meow Mix. The winner will be named the company's feline vice president for research and development (wasn't that the same title Trump gave Bill after season one of The Apprentice?). According to the website, "Thanks to webcams equipped in every room in the house, peeping tomcats with internet access will be able to view all the action in real time—and find out just what cats do all day when their owners aren’t around." Viewers will then vote for their favorite cat; the cat with the fewest votes will go home, American-Idol-style.
The thing is supposed to start in June, and last I checked, it's June. But, alas, no 24/7 meowcam just yet. If you're like me, you can wait un-patiently and check the website on an hourly basis.
