Thursday, June 15, 2006
Why I Hate America
When's the last time you looked at a map of the United States? Have you been avoiding maps of the United States because of the extreme emotion that comes over you everytime one catches your eye? Maybe you refer to your reaction as Map-Rage. Feel free to take another look at a map. Did it come over you? The Map-Rage? Try this map. How 'bout now?
Now I should preface my beef by saying that I have no attachment whatsoever to the great state of Wisconsin. I have never lived in Wisconsin, and I have only visited Wisconsin twice (once on a fun-filled vacation to the Wisconsin Dells when I was seven and once to attend a non-existent wedding). In short, I am not on Wisconsin's side.
By the same token, I am not anti-Michigan. But I do hate Michigan. I'll give you another opportunity to figure out why. Have you figured it out, the reason for my rage? If you guessed MICHIGAN IS A BIG, FAT HOG, you win!
It is not fair that Michigan gets that extra part! That part so obviously belongs to Wisconsin. Is it touching Michigan? No. Is it touching Wisconsin? Yes. It just doesn't make sense. Wisconsin needs to stop being such a baby and stand up for itself. Claim the Upper Peninsula and kick those hillbillies out!
Now I should preface my beef by saying that I have no attachment whatsoever to the great state of Wisconsin. I have never lived in Wisconsin, and I have only visited Wisconsin twice (once on a fun-filled vacation to the Wisconsin Dells when I was seven and once to attend a non-existent wedding). In short, I am not on Wisconsin's side.
By the same token, I am not anti-Michigan. But I do hate Michigan. I'll give you another opportunity to figure out why. Have you figured it out, the reason for my rage? If you guessed MICHIGAN IS A BIG, FAT HOG, you win!
It is not fair that Michigan gets that extra part! That part so obviously belongs to Wisconsin. Is it touching Michigan? No. Is it touching Wisconsin? Yes. It just doesn't make sense. Wisconsin needs to stop being such a baby and stand up for itself. Claim the Upper Peninsula and kick those hillbillies out!
// posted by mochila @ 12:16 PM 
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See, I thought you hated Michigan for the same reason I hate Michigan. Well, it's not so much that I hate Michigan, but more that I am uncomfortable with Michigan. Okay, not Michigan itself, but Lake Michigan. Problem is you can't look at Michigan without looking at Lake Michigan, and Lake Michigan gives me the same angst as Scandanavia and Florida. Am I the only one troubled by this?
I think Wisconsin could totally take Michigan in a fight. Sure, Madison is one of the biggest hippie towns in the country, but then they have all those Packer backers fueled by beer and cheese. Wait. I almost forgot, Michigan has Detroit. Now, I'm not so sure who would win, but I would still pay to watch it.
never discount the unemployed in a fight (we currently have one of the highest rates in the country, go team.) plus we have a sufjan stevens album, which helps fuel our melancholic angst.
and, thanks to the upper peninsula, michigan is one of those few states where you can drive 12 hours and still be in the state.
and, thanks to the upper peninsula, michigan is one of those few states where you can drive 12 hours and still be in the state.
Either someone in Michigan is really sensitive or someone hates that I'm using those dogs as my wallpaper.
Have you asked Wisconsin its opinion? My impression is they might not want the UP and its associated UPers.
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